Why Self-Love Isn’t Always Necessary


As humans, we are constantly bombarded with messages and articles about the importance of self-love. We are told that in order to lead a fulfilling and happy life, we must first learn to love ourselves. While this notion may hold some truth, I firmly believe that self-love isn’t always necessary. In fact, it may be detrimental to our growth and personal development. In this article, I will explore the reasons why self-love isn’t always essential and why we should embrace the full range of our emotions.

Understanding the Concept of Self-Love:

I understand that there is a lot of self-help content about learning to love myself more. Many people find solace in practicing self-love techniques such as positive affirmations, self-care routines, and gratitude exercises. While these practices can be helpful in building a healthy relationship with oneself, they often focus on surface-level solutions rather than addressing the deeper issues that may be contributing to our lack of self-love.

The Struggle to Understand Self-Love:

Some people may struggle with understanding what it means to love themselves more. The concept of self-love can be ambiguous and elusive, leaving many feeling lost and confused. It can be challenging to cultivate feelings of love towards oneself, especially when we are constantly bombarded by societal standards and expectations. Instead of pressuring myself to love myself more, I allow myself to feel any negative emotions like hate or shame. It’s about letting these emotions be there without trying to change them.

The Ego’s Role in Self-Love:

The ego can’t love itself more; in fact, it wants to be seen and validated. It craves external validation and thrives on comparison. The constant pursuit of self-love can inadvertently feed the ego’s need for attention and recognition. Instead of focusing on self-love, I believe it is more important to acknowledge and understand our egoic tendencies. By doing so, we can uncover the underlying insecurities and fears that may be blocking our ability to truly love ourselves.

Surrendering to True Love:

True love is found in surrendering the need to make love happen or trying to force it. Love is already within me, beneath all the egoic constructs and characters. It is not something that can be manufactured or achieved through external means. Rather, it is a deep knowing and acceptance of who we are at our core, flaws and all. By surrendering to this truth, we can release the pressure to constantly strive for self-love and instead embrace our authentic selves.

Listening to Ourselves:

If I don’t feel love for myself, I listen to it and let any angry or hurt inner child speak. This involves acknowledging and honoring our inner struggles and wounds, rather than suppressing or denying them. It is through this process of active listening and compassion that we can begin to heal and cultivate a more authentic relationship with ourselves.


In conclusion, self-love isn’t always necessary. While it is important to cultivate a healthy sense of self-worth and acceptance, the constant pursuit of self-love can sometimes be counterproductive. Instead, we should allow ourselves to embrace the full range of our emotions, including negative ones. By surrendering to our true selves and actively listening to our inner struggles, we can develop a deeper and more authentic relationship with ourselves. So, let’s not put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to always love ourselves, but rather focus on acceptance and understanding of who we truly are.

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